To his excellency, High Admiral, 1st Fleet, Third Arm Galaxy 74434
From Captain Moore, First Contact Team, outer quadrant 2,
planet three, yellow star 17.
I am writing to report on the results of the strange mission we have undertaken exploring the deserted planet full of wonders known by its former inhabitants, as far as we can tell, as Silt or perhaps Clay - our translators are working flat out to improve on our understanding as there is so much potentially to be gained from their technology and civilization.
We have uncovered a most exciting cache of documents which may finally explain the departure of the beings who constructed these wonderful buildings and devices. Everywhere we look there are suitable perches on tall polls, connected by long nesting strings. Marching across the countryside between what we believe to be their latrine sites, are long flat landing strips where competition for suitability for breeding stock amongst our warriors would be idea. Enough of the marvels. Back to the documents, which appear to be from a savant, desperate to solve some crisis that has struck their ecosystem....he writes
"I am sending you this letter to ask for your advice. As I travel often to far away lands, and present my work at conferences, I am inevitably showered with gifts, and amongst these is always at least one ball point pen. Since we developed the fishnet" (we're not sure if that is the right term) " I have had almost no use for these gadgets, and have steadily been accumulating them in killing jars" (again, not clear, but it seems that the 'jar' is something to preserve things in at least we can tell that). "Now, I am out of jars, and am unable to store sufficient foods for the winter" (now you see why we are fairly sure of our translation).
"Hence I am writing to all my fellow savants, to ask if they have any idea how we can solve this problem. The number of ball points is growing hyper-exponentially, and threatens the whole of the Fellowship of the Royal Society, and so we realise that we have to reach out to our cousins across the seas for help
I remain yrs, etc etc
p.s. I enclose a pen for your use in response"
Your excellency, there are many responses, but most echo the concern, and dare I say despair at the situation. Finally, however, after much work, it seems that one amongst these giants of intellect proposes a possible solution, for it is the last letter, and in it are many strange symbols which resemble our own formalism for hyperspace drive, and yet appear to arrive at a simpler solution....the letter concludes
"and so we suddenly understood that if we could figure out how to channel the gravity waves just right, the spaghettification phenomenon will allow even the largest of our fellow humans to fit down the inter-dimensional tunnel formed from the tubular casing of the ballpoint through the frames, and into the landscapes that miro draw, it seems from true life, rather than, as critics of the day said, his dreams. the rest can easily be worked out from this sketch...
I leave now, as you know, however, I enclose your last pen, which you will find sufficiently charged to allow you to join us in Blue II should you wish, although as you are of hungarian origin, you may resonate with the richer Mikrokosmos..."
So, your excellency,
It seems that the "humen" of "mud" were finally able to lose enough weight through some fantastic new plan, to soar to other dimensions.....we have yet to complete the proof from the sketch mentioned above, but I hope that we can report to you on this soon,
I remain, as ever, your nest-issue of the fourth degree, captain Moore...
p.s. I enclose a pristine unused biro pen for your perusal, and who knows, perhaps use....